Really, I'm Okay!

Yesterday, I was a little upset if you did not get that from the previous post. I was really angry. I felt like a child throwing a temper tantrum. I did not want to look at one thing in my house that was baby related. If I could, I would have thrown everything in the crib and put it on the curb for the trash man on Monday! Mean while, Jesus and I had a little talk and I am feeling better! It was the first time I have cried during the adoption and the flood gates were open!(and it felt pretty good actually) I tried explaining to one of my clients today what it feels like. And unless you have been down this road you can't possibly grasp it. For those of you who have been through pregnancy loss and or fertility route you may relate. I guess my recent lack of excitement or detachment towards the adoption is due to self preservation. Truly, I am excited, but I only allow myself to feel it briefly to protect myself from the disappointment if this doesn't work out. Not that I am a pessimist, but when you have been disappointed over and over, one gets discouraged and its hard to keep the faith. For me, it feels like a pregnancy doomed to miscarry but you hope and pray with all your heart and it all goes unanswered. It's like watching your hormone levels climb normally and just when you start to believe this pregnancy will be different BAM, it ends just like the rest.
Adoption, like infertility, is a roller coaster of emotions and yesterday was just a bad day for me.

On a more cheerful note, my client Joan, brought some really cute clothes from Baby Gap for Karlee and to donate to the orphanage as well as some ink pens for my gift bags. Alice, another client brought me a bag full of White Diamond perfum lotions for my gift bags too! All made in the USA, NYC to be exact! Yesterdays pity party is over, and I did something productive for the adoption. I made 10 gift bags with the White Diamond lotion, Bath & Body lotion & spray, pens and more lotion from the beauty supply store! I sure hope the ladies like lotion!




As I was leaving work today, this song by Dierks Bentley "Long Trip Alone" was on the radio. How appropriate after yesterday. The video has a different take, but I think it applies to us, especially during the extended wait! To all my family, friends(clients) and blog buddies, thank you for your continued support!

Dierks Bentley - Long Trip Alone

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